


The Dark Side Has Cookies And Expensive Coffee

by saintyves



Category: The Magicians (TV), The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Eliot Waugh Is Highkey Pining, F/M, First Dates, M/M, Minor Quentin Coldwater/Alice Quinn, POV Quentin Coldwater, Pining, Queliot Week, Quentin Coldwater Is Secretly Incredibly Spiteful When He Wants To Be, Requited Love, Seduction to the Dark Side, Slow Burn, in theory, not that you'd know bc it's in Quentin POV, you can pry that out of my dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-16 16:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19321918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintyves/pseuds/saintyves
Summary: The lowkey soulmate fic where Eliot Waugh is either a villain, anti-hero, or vigilante, and Quentin Coldwater is the less hapless than assumed civilian being corrupted by their dastardly charms. In his own words.(Somewhere in Eliot POV land, this is the most painful soulmate angst and slow burn fic ever, and probably has a title from a Richard Siken poem.)





	1. quentin coldwater might be a necromancer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [portraitofemmy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/portraitofemmy/gifts).



  * Quentin Coldwater can fix things. not just fix things, but  _fix_  things


  * his father get’s diagnosed. 
  * _let me fix you,_  he begged.  _please_ ,
  * they shook their head, and placed a hand on his shoulder. 
  * _no_ , they said.  _I know you want to help, but this isn’t a broken glass, and you’re not Frankenstein._
  * _Frankenstein’s the-_
  * _doctor. I know_. before Quentin knows it, he’s being pulled into a hug. 
  * he doesn’t cry. he saves all of that for after. 



 

  * when Quentin was ten, he had a cat. 
  * it wasn’t really his cat, but a neighbourhood stray, who often wandered into other people’s gardens. 
  * still, he thinks he loved that cat. 
  * he can’t remember what it was called. 


  * one day he’s reading on the porch
  * then there’s a sickening crack and-
  * outside a truck goes by. 
  * he puts down the book.
  * stares at the fur and flesh on the road for a few minutes, unmoving. 
  * then he scrapes it off the tarmac


  * His father isn’t home yet. 
  * The cup that he’d fixed last week is still on the coffee table.
  * He looks at the cat.
  * Quentin’s always been a quiet screamer when things go wrong.
  * The cat dies twice in the end.



 

  * _hey_ , his father says. _it’s going to be okay, alright?_
  * _don’t drop out of school or anything because you feel like you didn’t spend enough time with me._
  * _remember that cat you wanted to adopt when you were a kid?_
  * _you wouldn’t stop crying when I came home, but-_


  * _you’re not a cat_ , Quentin says. his voice trembles. 
  * and I wouldn’t do that to you. not ever, he thinks. 




	2. quentin coldwater is not on a coffee date

  * Quentin Coldwater can fix things, but he doesn’t fix dead objects or alive things anymore. 



 

  * _that makes no sense,_  Eliot waugh had declared at the second not-date.
  * _a paperclip can’t die_ , he says finally.
  * Elliot’s eyes light up.
  * _hold on,_  they say, and they’re smiling now.
  * ~~it’s a nice smile~~ - 
  * it would be nicer if it wasn’t probably evil and
  * a sign that he would try and kidnap the waitress’s son or some other dastardly evil thing.  
  * he watches Eliot approach the student frantically writing into multiple textbooks across the room.



 

  * Eliot smiles again, 
  * and it would also be nice
  * if it didn’t mean that he was going to use his dastardly evil charms
  * to seduce the student to the dark side and corrupt their hardworking studious soul-
  * _paperclip_ , Eliot says. he’s holding a paperclip.


  * Quentin blinks at him. 



 

  * Eliot snips it apart with a pair of paisley patterned scissors. 
  * tiny snippets of metal wire fall to the table, and he sweeps them into a pile.
  * _a paperclip was never alive,_  he says.  _technically you can’t twist it out of shape and then retwist it back,_
  * _but if I broke it into pieces, would you be able to reassemble it with your,_  
  * he handwaves and makes complicated gestures that Quentin follows very carefully
  * because despite being chaotically evil and a twisted twisted mind
  * Eliot Waugh has irritatingly slender hands, 
  * _fixing ability?_



 

  * (in hindsight Quentin should’ve in severe doubt of Eliot Waugh’s supposed manipulative mastermind tendencies 
  * considering that all they’d tried to do in two not-dates, 
  * _no matter how many times they delightedly chirped, ‘it’s a date then!’,_
  * was get him to fix a mutilated paperclip and talk about astrology while making intense eye contact)



 

  * not the point though. 
  * the point is that he’s doing an amazing job of resisting the dastardly, 
  * has he already used that word twice?,
  * charms and evil motives of Eliot Waugh



 

  * anyway, the not-dates aren’t even that great.



 

  * _I’ll pay,_  Eliot cuts in, and waits for Quentin to order.
  * the barista looks at him. her name tag is scribbled in unreadable pen.
  * _you going to order?_  she says. 
  * she taps her pale grey nails against the counter, creating sparks of light.
  * Quentin orders the most expensive item on the menu with everying added
  * he can’t even remember what he ordered. 
  * something like mocha-cappa-latte-frapp-uchino monstrosity with shots of hazelnut-vanilla-chocolate-caramel-and whatever the hell was on the menu with milk foam and guacamole for an extra cost somehow. 




	3. quentin coldwater goes out for coffee with the barista

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> skip this, because it has no plot relevance, if you want.

  * _hey,_ the barista says when he comes in a week later _, where’s your boyfriend?_


  * it’s a slow day and the cafe is almost deserted.


  * _not my boyfriend,_ he says.


  * she smiles. 


  * _really?_


  * _really._


  * she leans across the counter, her bright blue eyes sparkling.
  * _I’ve almost finished my shift. do you want to get coffee at the cafe down the street?_


  * _isn’t that brand disloyalty?_  Quentin says.


  * _this place sucks,_  she says. _I’m only working here because the owner knows my parents._


  * _I’m Quentin_ , he holds out a hand.


  * _hi Quentin,_  she shakes his hand,  _I’m Alice._


  * _are you going to order a mocha-cappu-frappuccino monstrosity today?_ she asks when they get there.


  * he laughs. _I don’t actually like coffee._


  * _no!_ She cries _. someone who doesn’t drink coffee? how does he survive!_


  * she orders a frappe and he gets a flat white like an adult.




	4. quentin coldwater is a lying liar with feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an epilogue in a hospital for [spoiler] reasons for readers who want to fast forward past the slow burn

  * _you’re my soulmate,_ Eliot Waugh chokes out.


  * Quentin Coldwater gets the sudden urge to choke them himself
  * the only thing stopping him is the fact that they look charmingly pathetic hooked up to an IV and hospital bed.


  * _what_ , he says very eloquently showing exactly what high school English had taught him.


  * _yes_ , Eliot says fondly,  _what_.


  * _what_ , Quentin says again. 
  * he thinks he must look like a fool, jaw dropped and unmoving, not that he could tell by how fondly Eliot is looking at him.


  * _close your mouth_ , they chide, struggling up


  * Quentin closes his mouth and immediately tries to help them. 



 

  * later, they sit in the mostly abandoned cafeteria, and Eliot feeds him spoonfuls of bland soup


  * _you look too skinny,_  he says, despite the fact that he looks worse,  _what have you been doing, sitting there and waiting for me to wake up?_


  * yes, Quentin thinks.


  * _of course not,_  he splutters instead.  _I did a whole range of productive activities that did not involve sitting at your bedside._


  * Eliot tuts. _stop talking and drink soup._


  * _are you someone’s grandmother or my soulmate_? Quentin mutters under his breath.


  * Eliot hears him. a peculiar look crosses his face.


  * oh. so they were going to talk about it.



 

  * _we need to talk about that, don’t we?_  he sighs. 



**Author's Note:**

> this is for portraitofemmy because they're an amazing writer, who inspired me to take part in Queliot Week. (I joined on...tuesday? and panic flailed my way into two posts)
> 
> constructive criticism is welcomed! leave a kudo on the way out if this wasn't as terrible as you thought it would be.


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